Constipation Help To The Rescue

Updated: Apr 19

Is there a worse feeling on planet earth than not being able to go to the bathroom? I’m not talking about being on a plane with the seatbelt light turned on while you have to go number 1. I am talking about sitting here writing this blog and wishing I could go number 2. Yes really, I am seriously constipated myself and I figured what better time than now to write about it.

You know the feeling right? You just sit or stand in misery hoping that a bowel movement is in your near future. If you’re wondering how I would have the nerve to tell you how I beat constipation in the title of this blog and yet proclaim I am currently constipated as I write this, I will explain down below. First though, I want to give you my constipation history so you know that I am not full of shit (well except for right now).

I have to come clean and tell you that just two years ago I would have never had the courage to write a blog about going to the bathroom. Not because I am above that, rather, I was just not the person who liked to discuss his personal health issues with the masses. But a lot has changed over the last 24 months with me and most of that is due to the fact that I have become a full fledged entrepreneur (in training). I have had to continually remove self-doubt, embrace failure and creatively get around financial obstacles that have stood in my way.

Most importantly, I have learned to not give a fuck about what people think. This is by far the greatest gift of all because it has helped me realize that you can help others by sharing what works or more importantly, doesn’t work for you. Hence, me giving my two cents on improving your number 2 game.

Ryan West - 1996

For myself, my constipation started in 1996 as that was the year that my rare disease (Acromegaly) started to inflict my body. I won’t bore you with the specifics on Acromegaly as you can google it, but I will tell you that it is a form of giantism and a real treat to deal with. Acro, like many diseases, requires treatments that can affect your bathroom cycles. In my case, my digestive track was actually altered because of the excess growth hormone that is a symptom of the disease.

In short, Acromegaly caused me to have a “Tortuous Colon” which is a colon that is longer than normal and has more twist and curves for the wasted to exit out of. Sound weird? What about odd? Yeah it is all of that shit (no pun) and more. In addition to the abnormal colon, I have numerous daily medications I have to take and they absolutely play into my constipation mess.

All of which, I believe gives me street credit to write about this because having a daily dose of medication for a disease is one thing but having a tortuous colon is a whole other level of constipation drama.

Let me enlighten you on what doesn’t work for people who have true, ongoing constipation issues. You can’t just slam a bottle of miralax and pray for the best everyday or every time you have a mad bout of backed up waste in your body. In fact, when you get in the habit of using that all the time you become no different than an addict looking for pain medication. By the way, excessive Miralax can cause extreme diarrhea, bloating, nausea and weight gain to name a few.

With that said, let me tell you what I do to make it easier and how I try to avoid days like today. First, let’s cover my top five things and yes these are known remedies. Don’t get me wrong, life is a bitch sometimes and shit goes nowhere (you get it). But if you can cut those times in half, then by god why not go for it?

  1. Drink lots of water — In fact, enough to kill a camel. Honestly, water does help but it isn’t the only factor. In fact, do you know that person who never drinks water and doesn’t have a constipation problem?

  2. Daily Fiber Gummies — except when you eat too much and defeat the purpose. This one is also helpful but not the end all be all.

  3. Eat Fruits and Vegetables — The key is to not burn yourself out. How many apples can you eat in a month? Variety will help you with this one.

  4. Exercise — this one has been the most beneficial of the three for me and the key is staying consistent with it.

  5. Consistent Routine — is a must and not given enough attention and exactly why I am constipated today. The 4th of July just passed and I went off my daily schedule of water, fiber and exercise for multiple days. Reality has set in

Adobe Stock

Now, let me tell you what the secret to tying this all together is. This may sound crazy but the glue that holds water, fiber, fruit and vegetables, exercise and a consistent daily routine together is staying relaxed! Believe me when I tell you that keeping your body relaxed as much as possible will do wonders for your toilet breaks. If you think about it, staying relaxed is probably the most underrated thing we can do for ourselves.

I am not talking about sleeping all day, rather finding perspective on what is worth stressing about and more importantly what isn’t. Here is to you finding your next number 2 in a regular basis! Relax and enjoy it!

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